


You're the Next Contestant On...!!

by chromyrose



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Challenge: Sport Anime Shipping Olympics | SASO 2016, Fluff and Crack, Game Shows, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Multiple Selves, School Festivals, dating game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 14:48:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7512359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chromyrose/pseuds/chromyrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akaashi gets roped into being the star of a Dating Game Show-style booth for the Fukurodani school festival -- and you'll never believe who the contestants are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're the Next Contestant On...!!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Square Pudding (mistaken)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistaken/gifts).



> The prompt for this fic was [this image](http://i.imgur.com/kWD9Y5Q.png) captioned by the text "Akaashi on a dating show with 3 Bokutos as contestants." Strap yourselves in for this nonsensical ride.

Despite being the team's vice-captain and the only person who can always successfully draw Bokuto out of a bad mood, sometimes Akaashi thinks he doesn't get enough respect from his teammates.

This would be one of those times. 

“What did you say you decided on, again?” 

Konoha was smiling, never a good sign outside of a match. “I said, the team unanimously agreed that our booth for the school festival should be an 'Akaashi Dating Game Show'. You know, like the ones that sometimes come on TV?” 

Akaashi felt his brow furrow and he couldn't keep the frown off of his face. “Konoha-san, in order to have a unanimous vote, every person on the team has to agree. And I absolutely refuse.” 

“My mistake,” Konoha amended slowly. “Everyone on the team voted 'yes' except for you, which means we have an overwhelming majority and you're outnumbered.” 

“But why a dating game show, of all things? And why me, of all people? Why not Bokuto-san, I'm sure he would be excited about such a prospect.” 

Konoha put an arm around Akaashi's shoulder and sighed. “You're not seeing the big picture here, Akaashi. A dating game requires pretty much zero preparation, except for putting together the questions and putting a curtain up between you and the contestants. And it has to be you, because you're basically the prettiest boy in school. We're a nationally ranked team so we do get money from the school, but you and I both know it's never enough for all the training camps and uniforms and buses and stuff. So we've got to rake in as much cash as possible from the school festival, which leaves us no other choice.”

Konoha hummed, and then continued, “But I mean, hey, I'm not the one who is going to be Captain next year. As I recall, that's gonna be you.” 

And then just as readily as he entered Akaashi's personal space, Konoha pulled away with a neutral expression and shrugged. Akaashi, realizing he was backed into a corner with no exit, settled for a compromise. 

“I'll do it under the condition that I get to write all of the questions.” 

“Deal.” Konoha smiled again, and then turned away and waved as he headed out of the gym. “Don't worry about any of the preparations, the rest of the team's got that covered. See you on festival day, Akaashi- _kun_.”

–

Festival day came too soon, and for all that Akaashi tried to put it out of his mind when he wasn't coming up with questions, he barely slept the night before out of dread. As a personal rule, he politely declined any confessions or date requests on the basis that he was too busy with schoolwork and volleyball; in this case, though, would the winners be expecting something from him? Or, worse, did the team promise anything on Akaashi's behalf? The last thing he needed in his life at age of 16 was to be forced out of the closet because of a silly game. 

The second-to-last thing he needed was his older sister using him as a dress-up doll, but when Bokuto had mentioned the event in front of her, Akaashi knew he was doomed to his fate. 

“Nee-san, it isn't a real festival,” he argued futilely. “There's no need for me to wear a yukata.”

“Nonsense, this will make all the girls swoon over you. You want money for your club, right?” 

Akaashi wondered vaguely if she'd spoken to Konoha-san, as his sister dressed him up in his grey-on-navy pinstriped yukata and somewhat obnoxiously teal obi. She then insisted on adding a colorful hair clip to change up his look, and Akaashi just allowed her to do it; his life was already no longer in his own hands. 

–

“Whoa, guys, look at Akaashi!” Komi announced as he tried to quietly enter the club room. The rest of the guys immediately looked up from their final booth preparations, and Sarukui wolf-whistled. 

“For someone who didn't want to do this, you sure do look the part of a stunning Japanese Prince Charming,” Konoha commented as he turned back to the sign he was painting. Akaashi frowned, noticing the absence of the team's loudest and most vocal member. 

“Where is Bokuto-san?” 

“His classmates called him over to help with their project. We're pretty much done here anyways.” 

“Let me see the questions you wrote,” Komi added, already bouncing over to Akaashi's side. “We've been trying to guess them all morning!” 

“I would really rather not,” Akaashi mumbled. “How quickly can we get this over with?” 

–

“Alright, alright, ladies, gentlemen, everyone settle down!” 

“Oi, shut up!” 

“Thank you, Konoha! Welcome everyone to today's first round of the Fukurodani Volleyball Club's Dating Game,” Komi announced in a booming voice, acting as the booth's emcee. “First, allow me to introduce our contestants. Contestant A loves volleyball and yakiniku! Contestant B enjoys volleyball as well, and is often referred to by friends as “simple-minded!” And Contestant C is a big fan of volleyball, and also large birds of prey!” 

Akaashi was sitting on his stool, trying to deduce who might be on the opposite side of the curtain. All three of the girls liked volleyball, but that might be a given in a school like Fukurodani. Contestant A could be Shirofuku-senpai, he reasoned. If it was her, he hoped she was just in it for fun, and wasn't gunning for him, or anything. 

“And now, the man of the hour, Akaashi Keiji! Akaashi, feel free to pick a contestant and ask one of the questions you've prepared. In order to protect the anonymity of our contestants, they will write the answer down on paper and I will read those answers aloud to you.” 

“Contestant A, please describe your ideal date.” 

There was a long moment of silence, except for the squeaking sound of rapid scribbling on a whiteboard, and then Komi cleared his throat. 

“Contestant A says: 'My ideal date would start at the gym for volleyball training together, and then we would go visit the aviary at the zoo and eat ice cream together!” 

That sounded eerily familiar, right down to the repetition of “together”. Akaashi shook the feeling off, and moved on. 

“Contestant C, do you believe yourself to be a hot-headed person?” 

“Contestant C says: “I'm not really sure what that means, unless you're asking about my hair. I think my hairstyle is pretty hot, it's modeled after nothing less than the Great Horned Owl!”

“What a fucking idiot,” Konoha huffed from behind the booth entirely. “He probably doesn't know what “anonymity” means either!” 

Akaashi rushed to the next question without prompting. “Contestant B, are you a morning person, or a night owl?” 

“Contestant B says: “Owl! Definitely anything that's an owl, that's me.”

In a sudden rush, Akaashi reached over and pulled the heavy curtain right off of its rod. 

“AKAASHI!” Three Bokutos cried at once. 

“I thought he was supposed to pick one of us first?” The Bokuto wearing an 'A' on his chest demanded of Komi. 

“He was!” 

“How was I supposed to pick when they are all Bokuto-san?!” Akaashi demanded louder. “I mean, does anyone else see that there are now three Bokuto-sans?” 

“The more of us to dote on our favorite setter!” Bokuto-C declared. 

“But you still like me best, right Akaashi?” Bokuto-B insisted. “Right?” 

“He can't like you best, we're all the same!” 

“But I'm the cutest!” Bokuto-B huffed. 

Bokuto-A snorted, “Then I must be the smartest.” 

“Then... I'm going to be the one to hug Akaashi first!” Bokuto-C said, inciting all three instances of Bokuto to all but maul Akaashi, and carry him off into the daylight. In the distance, Akaashi could hear Konoha crying, “Hey, we still need him!” 

Akaashi supposed things could have ended worse. Much, much worse.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed it please let me know with a kudos or a comment! You can find me elsewhere online on [twitter](http://twitter.com/haikyuutiie) or [tumblr](http://zahhaked.tumblr.com)


End file.
